Going Lee Bontecou

At some point, in the not-so-distant past, I tried to sum up the various categories of subject matter that I typically cover with my blog. In short, it's art and art-making; travel and adventure; psychology and self-analysis; politics; and occasionally some other stuff.

This post looks like it will a bit of all of the above... maybe with the exception of travel and adventure. 

(*EDIT* When I started this post, with the above sentence, I thought this blog would touch more on art-making and a little bit on politics (and I do have some things to say about those topics - in another post), but now it seems like this one is mostly self-analysis. If you don't like psychology and vulnerability, or if you're tired of me whining self-indulgently about my art career (!), skip it.)

Here goes.

I've been mulling over this post in my head for quite a while now - its birth has been slow and painful - and a thesis statement has slowly formed. It goes something like this: 

It turns out that the art-career advice that I managed to put together in my recent post entitled 'Just Keep Doing Your Thing, Man!', inspired by the situation of my musician friend 'Frederic,' was, unbeknownst to me, actually advice that I need to be giving to myself; and furthermore it's advice that I am apparently not very good at following.

In my last post I spoke briefly about trying to get my painting as close to finished as possible in time to apply for an open call at the Harwood Museum. I put a lot of work into it leading up to the deadline date, photographed it, and then set it aside for a while to focus on some other things. One of those other things was the controller for a mechanical sculpture that I also submitted to the Harwood. It felt good to get the controller done, as it meant that the sculpture, which I built in 2016 for Meow Wolf, was finally really finished. 

A few weeks later I learned that the Harwood decided not to select either the painting or the sculpture.

The sad part of this, the micro-tragedy, is that I let this rejection totally derail me. 

I had intended to take a hiatus from the painting for only a few weeks, but after being rejected from the show I had no desire to get back to it and its been six weeks now that I haven't painted.

The natural inclination of the human mind is to look for a reason. But when your painting (or sculpture or album or film or...) is rejected, no reason is typically given. So you wonder, and you start making stuff up. "Oh, the Harwood is too conservative for my stuff," you tell yourself. Or "they couldn't take the risk on something unfinished." Or "they were only looking for artists with proven histories in galleries." Or "They can't handle full frontal nudity." Any of these might be true, but you just don't know. The one reason you don't want to believe is "my work just isn't good enough," but of course that is the reason that actually haunts you. 

Around this time last year my proposal for Burning Man was rejected.

A few months later I submitted two proposals for Electric Daisy Carnival; both were rejected.

No one ever gives you a reason. 

In 2004 I saw a show at the NY MOMA by an artist called Lee Bontecou. I like her work, but what REALLY got to me was her story. I've never forgotten it. 

In the 1950's and 1960's she was very involved in the NYC art scene, frequently showing her work publicly. In 1970 she staged a show that was poorly received and her response was to leave her gallery and retreat from public view for several decades, but to still keep working. For years and years she produced work on her own, listening to only one critical voice - her own. She was 're-discovered' in the early 2000's and her big retrospective was mounted at various major museums across the country, including the MOMA in 2004.

Her story lives in me like a myth. In fact I may have even mythologized (distorted) certain elements of it over the years, as I frequently think back on her story of bravery and independence.

Since I was a child I have been making things, making art.

In 1988 I learned to weld.

In the early 1990's I discovered 'robot theater' through my association with SRL. 

In the late 1990's I branched out by doing my own robot theater shows in LA. Notability and publicity came easily, especially after I began working with Coachella. Shock value and mechanical violence are attention-grabbing; the external validation was abundant. This continued through to about 2005.

In that year I met Christina and moved to Taos, and although I didn't quite see it yet, a new artistic phase was just around the corner. In 2008 that phase began with the Hand of Man, my first big interactive mechanical sculpture. Several more were born over the following decade. Large scale and mechanical violence are attention-grabbing; the external validation flowed. 

But the real meaning of all this work was elusive. Those robots and robotic sculptures... if they revealed anything about their maker, it was precisely through their mechanical shielding of anything personal. Becoming Human might have been the closest I ever got. In 2018, while living in Berlin, the idea of painting first occurred to me... as a medium through which I might be able to say something a little more personal. But I didn't know how to paint then, and even though I'm much better at it now, it does not come naturally. The idea of picking up the paint brush again, after six weeks, seems daunting, fraught with self-doubt. In contrast, the idea of welding or machining or designing something mechanical seems so easy; I could do it in my sleep. Christina calls mechanical design my 'Super Power.' But can I say anything meaningful with that medium? This is one of the questions I currently grapple with. Or maybe, the fact that painting feels so foreign to me is precisely the reason I should stick with it. 

I feel like I need to 'Go Lee Bontecou' for ten years, and figure it all out. 

My proposals for big sculptures are all falling flat. I think they are too personal, too narrative, and in some cases too 'challenging,' (too dark?). The cosmos is telling me to shift gears. The subject matter that feels relevant to me is apparently not well-suited to the 22-year-old MDMA-powered party world of festivals. But... perfect subject matter for painting. Or... for forging some new kind of artwork... some melding of my super-power with the more deeply personal content I'm trying to channel through painting. 

(I sometimes think about those people who trained for years for careers which then went obsolete as the world, and technology, changed around them. Adapt or die.)

As I was advised recently, I will have to cognitively adjust to a reduction in external validation.

I can imagine what it would be like to 'inhabit' that person who just didn't listen to anyone else, who just pursued his own vision... almost in a vacuum. But it seems I am not that person, not just yet.

Have some courage.

Just keep doing your thing, man.

Go Lee Bontecou.

I have actually been doing a little art-making. 20 years ago a friend asked me to custom-build for her a headdress featuring two Barbie Dolls mechanically... 'interacting.' The project turned out to be really fun - small scale, mechanically challenging - on the scale of animatronics, and irreverant (to put it politely.) Over the years I've made a further small number of similar sculptures. I've recently put a little time here and there into finishing another... but they are so spectacularly NSFW that I can't show them here.... or anywhere, really. But they're fun, and they satisfy my drive to create, in those temporal interstices. 

Welcome to the Pandemic

This is my first blog post from the COVID-19 pandemic.

I'm sure it won't be my last.

I had two exciting engagements for my big sculptures scheduled for this summer, and both of them got cancelled on Monday of this week. I wasn't exactly surprised, but... disappointed nonetheless. 

All things considered, this is a small price to pay in these extraordinary times; many people are suffering much more than we are. But still, a bit of a bummer.

One gig involved installing With Open Arms in San Jose, California, in front of the San Jose Art Museum for the entire summer. This would have been a prestigious location and I was looking forward to it.

The other gig was a week-long exhibition of Hand of Man and Fledgling in Rijeka, Croatia, in connection with that city's status as a European Cultural Capital for 2020. That show was going to facilitate a 2-month long stay for Christina, Kodiak, and me in Europe this summer, a trip which also seems indefinitely 'on hold.'

Both shows are technically 'not cancelled, just postponed to some unknown time in the future,' but I can imagine that this status could shift to 'cancelled' quite easily, depending on how things go.

Both of these engagements have been in the works for over a year. And now, in one day, both are cancelled or indefinitely postponed. It's just one example, my little example, of how quickly and drastically things are changing these days. 

But it turns out that Taos, New Mexico... the sweet little town I call home... is not such a bad place to be in a time like this. And living outside of town, on a few open acres of land, with no real job (to lose) and no mortgages also has its advantages. This time of 'lockdown,' of radically reduced travel and social interaction, does not really feel very different from regular everyday life for us. The biggest differences are that we are driving MUCH less, and that school has been cancelled for the next few weeks (and I think it will remain closed for longer than that) and so Kodiak is at home with us all day, every day. This brings some challenges, but also plenty of blessings. It's great to have the opportunity to spend more time with him and I know he enjoys the time with us. He has always expressed a wish to be home-schooled, and now that Christina is playing teacher (with daily lessons in reading and math, sent from his school by email) he is finally getting that wish. Plus, he gets to see what sort of work Christina and I do on a daily basis. It's a nice time of family integration. And when he is not learning, he has a trampoline to jump on, acres of land to explore, a workshop to tinker in, and animals to play with (and feed!). All of this, only a few miles from a politically progressive small town blessed with good weather, good people, and surrounded by abundant nature. Increasingly, I have a hard time imagining myself living anywhere else in America. 

Speaking of daily work, since we have been in lockdown (it's only been a week so far) we have gone crazy with home-improvement projects. In fact I almost feel more busy now than I did before this country got slammed by COVID-19 ten days ago. 

We have begun a moderately ambitious project to build a roof over our deck.... 

I built a loft-bed for Kodiak...

 and we totally reconfigured his room...

And we reconfigured our living room. I'm getting some long-delayed sewing projects done. Next up we will repair and improve our ranch gate... 

the gateway to our land. Check out Huginn and Muninn, perched on the gate! (You can barely see it in this picture, but the gate is tied to the Subjugator to keep it from falling over)
And after that... more projects. 

In fact, so far I am really enjoying this shut-down of society as we know it. It is suddenly acceptable to be completely asocial. It is perfectly OK, actually it is strongly advised, to just stay home and get shit done. I know that some people feel adversely affected by the sudden removal of all social interaction, it seems some folks are actually having a very hard time with this aspect, but I guess I'm not one of them. I am lucky to have my amazing little family here, and so far we are having a sweet time, socially isolated on our little piece of dirt. 

About 2 weeks ago I had to step away from my painting to focus on other projects, but for several weeks leading up to that time I was totally 'in the zone.' I was painting every day and making great progress. At this point I am really still working on my first 'real' painting, but I'm about 90% done and can't wait to get back to it. I'm pretty sure I will post a picture of it here when it is finished. 

The closest thing to a serious and recognized art museum in Taos is called The Harwood, and for the first time in 17 years the Harwood recently put out an open call for submissions from local artists for a group show of Taos art. Christina and I both applied. I submitted a kinetic sculpture of a robotic hand as well as my painting, unfortunately in an unfinished state (but with a promise to finish it soon.) Fingers crossed; it would be fun to have my first painting accepted into a museum show. 

Back when we lived in Berlin I observed that looking at art seemed to have a calming effect on me. I don't feel hugely effected by this coronavirus crisis... but I think it is a background stress factor for me, as it must be for anyone else who is paying attention. In fact, part of the reason I can surmise that it is a stressor is that I have an increased desire to look at art. If the Met were open right now, and within reach, I would be spending the day there (wearing a mask and gloves.. or whatever... you get the idea.) Art, for me anyway, sends a message of historical continuity, the persistence of human endeavor, the enduring effort to be creative and make beauty. I feel like these are good things to remember, in these times.

The last TV series we watched around here was Fleabag... which comes with my very highest recommendation... and now we are watching something called Outlander. Outlander is sometimes pretty cheesy... occasionally having the feeling of a romance novel, but it is anchored by a really stellar performance by its lead actress. In fact I think the strong female characters at the centers of these two shows are what really recommend them. My cup of tea, anyway. (I'm considering painting portraits of the protagonists... Too cheesy? Maybe.)

If you are reading this, it means I count you as a friend... and I sincerely hope that you are finding a way to get through these unprecedented times without too much hardship.

A lot of people are going to face some tough decisions, but I think there are real opportunities for a re-structuring of priorities and lifestyle choices which could, in the end, prove to be positive... providing we all actually survive. 

Be safe. Survive. Be productive.
In that order.

Well, that's what I think.

Cheers

Just keep doing your thing, man!

OK, first off I would like to point out that the last post provoked a pretty interesting conversation in the comments section. If you found the last post intriguing, have a look at the comments.

But now, on to other topics.

I recently had a conversation with a friend about a guy we both know, a common friend of ours. Let's call this third person (the subject of the conversation) Frederic. Frederic is a musician, and has achieved a certain level of success, having released several albums and played live shows and tours all over the world. However, as revealed in this recent conversation, Frederic is frustrated that his success seems to be peaking, or topping out, and he has not yet achieved 'recognizable household name status'; he's not a superstar.

But this is where the conversation got interesting. Frederic is what I would call an 'artist with integrity.' He is trying to do something which is personally meaningful to him, and which also has a politically engaged dimension, and is in fact succeeding quite well at this, at least in my opinion. But this effort, guided as it is by a strong and highly personal internal compass, puts him almost by definition into a bit of a niche.

I think that artistic work which manages to 'hit the jackpot' of widespread cultural acceptance gets there for a variety of interconnected reasons (such as timing, artistic skill, promotional visibility, etc.), and I think that luck (or chance) also plays a role in the process, but the point of this sentence is that I think it's frequently true that work needs to have an element of non-specificity, of universality in order to 'make it big.' (Just think of those vague and generic lyrics in your favorite tune by U2 or Justin Bieber!) This, then, is the corollary question: "Is widespread cultural acceptance (hitting it big) fundamentally incompatible with a strongly held, highly personal vision, especially when there are elements of that vision that are 'challenging' in some way?"

I think the answer to that question is probably "No these things are not fundamentally incompatible, but they are not frequently seen together and when they are, chance has played a role." One way that chance can influence this process is that something in the artistic work might happen to coincide with something current in the zeitgeist, which is always evolving. Artists can of course intentionally try to 'ride' something they see in the zeitgeist, which can be seen actually as an attempt to engineer a sort of universality; after all anything floating through the zeitgeist is by definition universal, at least for the moment.

In a sense this idea of 'hitting it big' hinges on the fantasy of the 'one big thing'; the hit album or hit song or hit sculpture or painting... the one thing that everyone notices and makes you suddenly famous.
But... there is another way.

And that other way is....
Just keep working. Stay true to yourself. Continue to evolve. And just keep making the work.

And then, slowly, over the years, you gain a different kind of fame... a kind of esteem among your peers. And this sort of renown can often be achieved even when the work is challenging.

The world is full of great examples of people who embody this approach, but the one who came to mind as I was having this conversation was JG Thirlwell, better known as Foetus. He came to mind not only because he is one of my favorite musicians but also simply because he IS a musician, and we were talking about musicians, and he provides a potent embodiment of the the 'just keep working' model, a potent counterpoint to the 'one-hit-wonder'.

JG Thirlwell is not exactly a household name in the world today; in fact he's somehow managed to stay comparatively obscure. But the guy is really a musical genius, and his prolificness (I checked... it's a real word) leaves most of the rest of us in the dust; just glance at his impressive discography. And here's the thing: his work has always been challenging, and therefore niche. A quote from his Wikipedia page: "Recurring lyrical themes include destruction, persecution, anxiety, abuse, incest, masochism, angst, self-destruction, self-abuse, lust, prejudice, murder, failure and machismo, often expressed using American colloquialism and black humour." Yet, somehow, he has transcended the self-ghettoizing consequences of this sort of lyrical output to become, over a career of 40 years, highly respected and sought-after by other professionals not only from the music industry but from other parts of the entertainment industry as well. And how did he manage this? Well my theory is that it's because he is fiercely original, hard-working, and therefore prolific. 

It's really about persistence, and staying true to your self and your vision. If you just keep doing your thing, the world will eventually catch up to you. 
OK, not everyone can be the next Taylor Swift, but would you really want to be? Sure, the piles of cash sound fun, but I can only imagine that one sacrifices a lot of freedom for a life like that. 

Just keep working. 

(For a taste of two different, not overly 'challenging' sides of Foetus, click here and here. And believe me, if those tickle your fancy, there is SO MUCH more to discover.) 

_________________________ 

OK, change of topic. I've been painting for days, maybe even weeks. I finally got into the swing of it. It's slow work. Painting crumpled fabric is especially slow. 

I keep discovering new painters I like. 
I'm currently rather enthralled by Mati Klarwein. 
I've even developed a real respect for Alex Grey. 
With both of these guys the subject matter is a little hit-and-miss for me, but I love the precision and the highly personal vision that they both espouse. 
I continue to be fascinated by Ingres and Caravaggio. 

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Last week Kodiak and I checked out the Jim Henson exhibit at the Albuquerque Museum.

It was a great show. What an inspiring guy. The Jim Henson Creature Shop was the first place to hire me when I moved to LA to get into Animatronics, and although Jim was dead by that time I did meet his son Brian. 

One thought that I had when seeing the work on display was... "I know how to do all this stuff, to build these sophisticated puppets, and it's an unusual and versatile skill, and it's a bit of a shame that I don't do more with it.... I should build some puppets, and... Have a puppet show!"

Head mechanism I built for some puppet or another, incorporating eye mechanisms and multi-axis ears.

Doctor Octopus's upper two claws from Spiderman 2, which I built and puppeteered on set.

Build puppets and have a puppet show? Hmm... we'll see about that. 

Anyway the Henson's exhibit was a good show.

(And how's this for a tie-in... click here for Foetus doing a cover version of Elton John's 'Rocket Man' with lyrics re-worked as 'Puppet Dude,' a tribute to Jim Henson!)

_________________________ 

And lastly, a few people picked up on my brief discussion of the Datsun 240Z from several posts ago, and asked if I would in fact write a whole post about that car. Well I really don't think I will do that; there is so much already on the internet about that car and I would mostly just be regurgitating info that's already out there. Suffice to say that I have owned two of them and I love them. They're very fun to drive. 

Check out this recent auction of a totally original 1971 240Z that sold for.... $310,000! 
Holy guacamole! 

I'll leave you with this, the 240Z from Mad Max: Fury Road... You had to have a sharp eye to catch this car in the film... it's barely in there, but I saw it immediately.

Adios, muchachos y muchachas

Science

I recently purchased on eBay a lot of 40 back-issues of a certain French fashion magazine, called Numèro.

I did this because I have the idea that these magazines might be a good source material for painting beautiful women. But it's a little more involved than that, really, because it's not hard to find images of beautiful women online, or in Playboy or Penthouse magazines (I have quite a few of those). You see, I believe there's something fundamentally different about the attitude expressed by the women in fashion magazines from the attitude expressed by women in erotic media. 

I find myself quite interested in these subtleties. (In much the same way that I have, in the past, found myself interested in the subtleties of posture and style of dress in their capacities as means of communication - consciously or unconsciously - about who we are, who we want to be, and who we want to fit in with.)

In fact I was disappointed and perplexed when I tried to google variations of 'differences in facial expression porn vs. fashion magazines" and came up with nothing. This seems like a viable topic for a scholarly dissertation... to me anyway.

So here is my opening statement, my hypothesis, the assumption upon which I decided to purchase the Numèro magazines:

• The range of facial expressions, and posture for that matter, affected by women posing for erotic media tends strongly towards 'demure,' 'seductive,' and 'submissive.'
• In contrast, the range of facial expressions and posture affected by women posing for fashion tends more towards 'confrontational,' 'self-assured,' and sometimes even 'aggressive.'

One obvious observation to make here is that erotic magazines and fashion magazines have different target audiences. Erotic media is primarily targeted at men, presumably men who are interested in sexy women, and so it follows that female models who convey with their body language and facial expression that they 'want' to be with these men who make up the audience will help sell more magazines.
Conversely, fashion magazines are marketed to women, presumably with the idea of selling clothing and cosmetics to these women. And so what's being sold here is a fantasy of self-assertion, strength, and even beauty that the female audience might be able to attain by purchasing the items on sale therein.
Something interesting that follows from these points is that both magazines are selling fantasy; and that beautiful women are the locus, the vehicle, the blank canvas for that fantasy. It's all very aspirational, in a way that feels sort of private and personal and possibly a little bit shameful.

I believe that feminine beauty is a kind of mirror, reflecting back at us a lot of hidden data about the culture we live in as well as our own hidden psychologies.

Can you tell which of the following images came from fashion publications and which came from erotic media?

My guess is that you CAN tell. The facial expressions are fundamentally different. 
(Unfortunately, there are also a lot of other clues in these images which you may have consciously or unconsciously noted, and which made the determination easier. I tried to 'even the playing field' by only using fashion images in which the shoulders were bare.)

If I relax the requirement of having bare shoulders, the following images from fashion publications illustrate the point more clearly, I think.

These facial expressions, at the 'assertive' end of the spectrum, shall we say, are simply not found in mainstream erotic media.

So by now I have spent quite a bit of time thumbing through the Numèro magazines in search of interesting faces and interesting expressions, and I have some data on which to evaluate my original hypothesis. The truth is that the range of expressions on display is really very broad, and encompasses pretty much everything from angry or annoyed all the way to demure and seductive. At first glance, I find the inclusion of 'demure and seductive' to be a bit mystifying, but I might have a sense of why this is... a new hypothesis if you will. Perhaps it is the case that fashion magazines are presenting a broad and inclusive fantasy so that all women can see some version of themselves in that 'paper mirror,' whether they are feeling angry or assertive or romantic or submissive... albeit a better-dressed version of themselves.
Erotic media, for the most part, does not need to bother with this wide range of expression. Men are seeking out this type of media for a narrower set of reasons. (I imagine that there are dark corners in the landscape of erotic media catering to niche tastes, and that a broader range of facial expressions can be found if you look for them.)

So there is a lot more overlap between these types of media than I'd originally assumed, but if you're looking for images of beautiful women wearing any facial expression other than demure and seductive, high-end fashion magazines are a great place to start. I don't regret my purchase.

In a way, this entire 'experiment,' or 'inquiry,' really just serves to underscore the potency and importance of facial expression in terms of its ability to evoke a psychological or emotional response in the viewer. We humans have, after all, evolved over eons to respond sensitively to infinite subtleties in the faces of our peers.
Fashion media, erotic media, and many other kinds of media for that matter are just taking advantage of this instinctual human ability in order to engage us in a fantasy of one sort or another (depending on what sort of media we choose to engage with) and the type of face most often used to sell this fantasy is the face of the beautiful woman. Because, to (almost correctly) quote Peaches, "The girls want to be her, the boys want to be [with] her."

So what sort of facial expression do you respond to? And what does it say about your psychology? Are you looking for someone to show you a 'better' version of yourself? Or just to accept you? To nurture you? To protect you? Or to challenge you? No matter what it is, there's a facial expression just for you, and you can find it in a magazine.

For me, personally... I like the intense faces, the strong ones, the emotional ones. Long-time readers of this blog will already know that. And what does that say about my psychology? Well, I think I sorta kinda might know the answer to that, but hey... that's a bit personal, don't you think? If you want to 'read' my psychology, you'll just have to wait for my paintings.

And speaking of that... there is an interesting question floating in the ether which is "why will I not share images of my paintings in progress?"
The simple answer is that I do not want anyone's opinion, be it positive or negative or anywhere in between.
To once again quote the great painter Andrew Wyeth,
"People only make you swerve. I won’t show anybody anything I’m working on. If they hate it, it’s a bad thing, and if they like it, it’s a bad thing. An artist has to be ingrown to be any good."

*Very slight shift of topic... Another thing I really like about high-end fashion magazines is that some of the photo spreads can really reach the level of art. One can only assume that these magazines have decent budgets for these spreads, and in the hands of visionary photographers or production designers, these photos can be very interesting...

OK, there you go...
That's all I have to say!

Sorting Things Out

Let's see here... it's been almost 2 months since I've blogged and that is a long interval for me.
So, a lot has happened.

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Our main car broke down and was in the shop for almost a month, and so I pressed my old 1971 Datsun 240z into service, which sort of revived my love affair with that 49 year-old beauty. After the sensible family car came back from the mechanic I fixed the Datsun's speedometer, completely re-did the suspension and brakes, and then finally fixed the heater, making it a viable winter car. In fact, over the years I have fixed so many things on this car and really, the last major thing to do on it would be to paint it.... but... it's sort of perfect the way it is. It's like a 'stealth nice car,' a little sports car that is very nicely sorted out but looks like crap. Perfect for Taos.

I could write a whole blog post on my love for this car, but I think I would lose most of you along the way!

_________________________

Way back in November, Christina and Kodiak and I took a road trip to the Big Sur area of California for Thanksgiving. Wow, California has gotten expensive. But Big Sur is just as beautiful as ever. 

I used this trip to deliver Big Mother to the fellow in California who bought it. Woohoo, that's the third pice of art I've sold in my life! 

_________________________

And speaking of travel, I just got back from a 7-day meditation retreat in Crestone, Colorado, which is about a 2-hour drive from our home. Christina had attended this same retreat last year and had then done it again a few weeks ago, and she liked it very much so I gave it a shot. In the last year or so there have been some indications that I should perhaps take a good clear look at certain elements of myself and see if I could clear some things up, and a week of silence in the mountains seemed like a good place to try. The meditation aspect of the retreat (which is a really big part of it - sitting in silence for about 8 hours a day) did not really hit home for me, but ironically the experience turned out to be quite useful for me anyway because of a book I was reading and a conversation I had with a fellow retreat attendee which dovetailed nicely with the book. They say that one of the goals of a Buddhist meditation practice is to 'open up space' in your crowded head, to allow things to come up to the level of consciousness. Perhaps this did actually happen for me; perhaps the meditation served its purpose after all. In any case, completely checking out of your life, ditching your phone and laptop, and just sitting quietly for a week is bound to have benefits. I did find that I was drawing compulsively, which is something that I wish I did more of in daily life. The fucking internet is always getting in my way.

The thangkas in the meditation hall were spectacular. This is Ritrö Gonpö....

And this is Karakulla, protector of mothers, families, and children. 

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The last time I posted on this blog I wrote that I was feeling blocked about painting, specifically with regard to the topic of choosing subject matter to paint. Well after that blog post things opened up a bit for me. First I painted a small painting, the subject of which did mean something personal for me; in other words it was not strictly a technique exercise although of course it functioned in that way to a certain extent.

Then, I settled on an idea for my next painting which I'm really quite excited about. Being fairly large and incorporating multiple figures, it will be significantly more ambitious than anything I've painted yet. But then, for about a half-day, I again found myself feeling very frustrated and stuck because in order to start sketching for this painting I needed to take some photographs of some human models and that just seemed really daunting to arrange. But after a quick and helpful conversation with Christina I decided I would simply take photos of US, of her and me, and use artistic license and photoshop to tweak these images into what I needed them to be. What followed was about four or five days of drawing, as I made the preparatory sketch for the painting... which felt great. 

During this time I also prepared a 'canvas' to paint on. Actually I'm going to paint on hard board (masonite) as it has quite a few advantages over canvas. But this process of making my masonite 'canvas' was really a much bigger pain in the ass than I wish it was and this has everything to do with the fact that I don't have a proper place in which to paint. As I mentioned the masonite board is fairly large and I've needed to carry it back and forth between my crappy little studio (buried in the back of our home) and the metal shop, sometimes with wet paint on it, and that is a pain. So my determination to build a proper studio has increased dramatically. I'm currently weighing various options, ranging from a 'building within a building,' (or a separate structure within our existing shop) to building a free-standing studio from scratch to assembling a prefabricated 'shed'-type building, each of which comes with various advantages and disadvantages. 

So... just when I'd found a subject matter and finished a preparatory sketch that I was pretty inspired to get into, life conspired again to keep me from painting. An old friend from college called me out of the blue and hooked me up with a very well-paying mechanical design job, which threatens to keep me busy for a little while. Oh, sad irony! Well, it could be worse. The money from this job might just end up building my little painting studio, so I shouldn't complain. 

Meanwhile I continue to draw from live models every week... or almost every week. I think my drawings are actually getting better. 

This is my favorite one from the last few weeks.

Insert random image, unrelated to the balance of the blog post. 

(This is a poster that was wheat-pasted on the walls of a construction site in lower Manhattan when I visited a few months ago. When I saw it, I loved it. Man, I had to work hard to get that poster off the wall, cleaned, and transported back with me to Taos. But it was totally worth it.) 

and lastly... California, with my sweetie.

Ciao