Goodbye, Europe

A few weeks ago I wrote an entire blog post on the metro in Berlin, and then used the personal hotspot feature of my phone to publish it. “What will they think of next?” I pondered.

Well, if all goes well I will be writing this entire post and uploading it from 24,000 feet above the Atlantic, on IcelandAir flight IF673.

The last few weeks have somehow been both relaxing and full, and a bit melancholy, as we have known all along that our departure from Europe was looming ever closer. And now it is here; we are on a non-stop from Reykjavík to Denver, landing in about 7 hours. I think I’m just going to let the pictures guide this post... I have more pictures right now than narrative. Maybe a narrative will emerge...

On one of our last days in Berlin I arrived home from a day of errands to find that I had lost my hand-made glasses case, along with the nice pair of glasses inside. I mentally retraced my steps and decided I had likely left it at IKEA or perhaps BAUHAUS, a hardware store. So the next day Kodiak and I drove all over town running even more errands, which included visiting IKEA and BAUHAUS again to search for the case, but no luck... it seemed they were lost. So at the end of a day of driving, mostly at freeway speeds, I parked the car... and happened to look on the roof. And what do you think I noticed?

Yes, that's my glasses case. It's tempting to think it was wedged under the roof rack, but it was actually just sort of lightly sitting there, all day long, at 120 km/h. Crazy.

(Well, the wifi connection on the plane is pretty bad. It took about 5 minutes to upload that last picture, and chewed up 4% of my battery life. So it's looking unlikely that I will be able to complete the post I'd imagined, with 25 pictures. I've got plenty of hours, but my battery ain't gonna make it.)

On our last day in Berlin I challenged myself to take 100 pictures. I failed miserably in that challenge, but I took more photos than I normally would have...

Here, Kodiak ponders whether this is actually art, or....

You don't see a lot of cars like this in Berlin.

From day one in Berlin, I loved the symbol of the city: the Berlin Bear. Here we see a Polynesian interpretation of the ubiquitous ursine; I would be surprised if this design hasn't already been tattooed a few times.

We lived a few blocks from this weird sculpture and I always wanted to stop by and check it out... but I only managed to do so on our last day.

Goodbye Berliner Dom and Fernsehturm. I will miss you.

Goodbye S-Bahn.

One of our last pictures in Berlin, sitting in Mitte in front of the Naturkunde Museum (Natural History Museum, home of the holotype of the Archaeopteryx!)

Well after the craziness of the last few weeks in Berlin, it was a welcome reprieve to land in Sweden, which for us has always been mostly about relaxation, and swimming. We stayed on Lidingö, an island that makes up part of greater Stockholm. We were right near a lovely lake in which we swam once or twice a day.

We also visited Millesgården, the spectacular home and workshop of Carl Milles, favorite sculptor of Stockholm. 

The setting really is amazing. It's got to be at least a few acres set on a cliff overlooking the water that separates Lidingö from the main part of Stockholm.

Even though he fights us every time we try to take him to a gallery or museum, Kodiak usually ends up liking it. He's gotten quite the cultural education in these two years.

Naturally my favorites were the nudes...

Big surprise.

After a lovely week in Sweden we headed for an all-too-brief 2 days in my favorite place in the world, Iceland.

The highlight of our trip was hiking an hour up to Reykjadalur...

where you can find.....

wait for it......

A HOT RIVER

Yes, really. That's Kodiak and I sitting in a hot river. It was awesome. Lucky for us, Christina joined us in the river just after taking this picture.

One of my other favorite things in Iceland is Dead Gallery. Located on Laugavegur, the main shopping street in Reykjavík, this gallery is wonderfully out of place with the increasingly homogenous tourist/trinket shops and high-end clothing stores.

The gallery is basically the showcase for one guy's art.

Everything he makes is about death in one way or another. 

Even though he was a bit grumpy when Kodiak and I stopped in this time, I really do love his work, and... maybe even more than that... I love it that he is so blatantly out of step with the rest of Laugavegur and the image that Reykjavík presents of itself.

On our last day in Europe, Kodiak and I also visited Sundhöll Reykjavíkur, a public swimming pool and bathhouse in the middle of Reykjavík. Several months ago, I complained on this blog that Berliners could not get the hot tub thing right. Well, Icelanders do. The tubs at Sundhöll are hot, the way they should be. Plus, I always have good conversations with strangers there. No pictures allowed there, naturally.

And here, my friends, is the last picture I took of Europe. That is the edge of the Reykjanes peninsula, receding into the distance below.

Bittersweet.

Now we are off on our way back to our true home (for now), New Mexico.

And guess what? As you might have guessed from the 25* pictures, my battery did not last. I completed less than half of this blog post on the airplane, and I write these words now from our home on the mesa, just west of Taos, New Mexico. In fact, when we arrived home there was such an overwhelmingly large amount of work to be done getting back into our old lives, that we've been here almost a week and only now am I finding the time to sit down and write this post, the "last one from Europe."

*(wow, that's crazy! It was exactly 25!)

It's tempting to want to write some profound insights, some sort of perspectivizing eulogy, about our 2 years in Europe... and maybe that awesome perspective will come one of these days. But right now, I think it's too early to know what to say about it. In the last few days, Christina and I keep asking each other "How are you feeling to be back?", and the answer for both of us is invariably "I can't quite tell.... I don't know how I'm feeling." There is good about being back, and there is bad. And for right now, we are too busy to think all that much about it. There is a tremendous amount of unpacking, moving in, getting cars and motorcycles running again, registering and insuring cars and motorcycles again, trying to understand just how bad our health insurance options are, throwing away half of what we thought was precious 2 years ago but now seems totally unnecessary, doing our best to help Kodiak through this transition, getting to know our dogs again, freaking out about Burning Man, and planning for the future.

Do I miss Europe? Yes, some things. I already miss the density of culture, the public transportation, and the lush greens of Berlin, Sweden, and Iceland. I also miss some of the great people we met there. But being here also feels very comfortable, and very good. It's nice to be in a home that is ours and to have no neighbors. It's nice to have our dogs, our hot tub, and our motorcycles. It feels easy to slide back in. Taos seems to actually be more diverse and inclusive than we remembered; there are freaks and artists and gay people everywhere. And everyone here is so damn nice! 

In the long term, I am sure that Europe will be a big part of our lives. Why shouldn't it be? It's awesome there. But Taos is pretty great too. 

With love from the Taos mesa,

Aloha

DONE

Well the intense time is over. And boy, was it intense.

In the last few weeks, I worked myself silly finishing the sculpture. Christina worked herself silly project-managing the frieze (part of the sculpture), as well as packing up our apartment and handling all the "get out of Germany paperwork." Various other people put in long hours on other elements, notably Guy Hatzvi, Jascha and Anka from KAOS, and Chris Iwasjuta from MotionLabs. Amihay Gonen came through at the end with the lighting design.

I could not have completed this project without the help of all of you mentioned above (and Cedar Goebel too). Thank you so much.
In particular, my amazing wife and partner Christina devoted herself to this project as if it were her own. I especially thank you, my love. 

Last Sunday we installed the sculpture at KAOS. (I thought it would take 4 hours and then everyone who showed up for the party would stand around looking at it, but instead we got a late start and it took 9 hours and and so everyone who showed up for the party stood around watching us assemble it!) Then on Monday we disassembled it and finished up the staging of everything that was going into the container, then on Tuesday we shoved it all into a shipping container. Then we went back to BBK and cleaned up my space. What a huge amount of work!

When I was still at the stage of proposing this concept to Burning Man, I had hoped it would be funded in part because I wanted for us to have the experience of building something in a "foreign" place. I wanted to understand how to nail down a workspace, how to purchase materials, how to establish networks and work with new people, harnessing new resources and skills unavailable in New Mexico. Thanks largely to BBK and KAOS, and the good people at both those places, we did in fact have that experience. And, all the challenges of something like this notwithstanding, it went fairly smoothly. Thank you, Berlin.

A week before the deadline, we also squeezed in a family trip to the Greek island of Lesbos for my brother Cles's wedding, where we all got to finally meet Beowulf, the newest member of the family. That was a nice respite.

I managed to get through this job with only one injury, and it wasn't a particularly bad one. I teased you with the promise of pictures, so here they are...

I've frankly been too busy lately to have much in the way of the "idle philosophical thoughts" that I like to sprinkle into my blog. Suffice to say that Christina and I are both experiencing a mixture of anxiety and excitement about coming home. It's a thick emotional soup involving ingredients such as trepidation about the political environment in the US, concerns about the suitability of urban vs. rural living conditions for each of us, anticipation of seeing old friends, sadness at leaving new friends, parental concerns about Kodiak's well-being through all of it, etc., etc., etc.

In 12 days we leave Berlin. Then it's a week in Sweden (just outside of Stockholm), 2 days in Reykjavik (Iceland is the most perfect place in the world, in case you did not know), and then back to the USA.

Who knows, this might be my last blog post in Europe. Or maybe not. If I have something to say, you will hear from me again.

It occurs to me that I do have hundreds of photos from these last two years... many of which are worthy of posting. I suppose I could do a photo-wrap-up post or two...

Anyway, seeya!

SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY!

Well, I am overdue on a blog post. There is our trip to Greece to talk about, a big ugly injury on my hand (I've got pictures!), and various other things.

But this post is going to be short, and about only one thing...

This Sunday, July 1st, we will show the new sculpture in Berlin. It will be up for only a few hours, starting at 4pm.

Many good friends here in Berlin were involved in this piece in one way or another, but will be unable to come see it in Nevada. This party is for them. But of course everyone is invited!

It will also act as our going-away party and my birthday party!

So, see you at KAOS this Sunday!
Wilhelminenhofstraße 92 Oberschöneweide

Shift

A shift has begun. We are leaving Europe.

It felt subtle a week or two ago, but now it’s quickly ramping up.

The shift begins when you decide you are actually doing it. That happened for us about a month ago when Kodiak (literally) won the lottery and was re-admitted into his old school in Taos. Then the logistics start to pile up, and overwhelm your ability to really remain present in the place where you are.

The logistics in our case are quite intense, as we are extricating ourselves from Germany while also trying to finish the Burning Man sculpture on a very tight timeline. In fact, Christina and I made a calendar a few days ago, mapping out the next few months. With BBK’s “business-hours-only” schedule, I have only 18 build days remaining. I don’t even like to write that sentence, much less think much about it, as I find it quite stressful. On top of that, I am also trying to organize the international shipping of the container. (Which, as it happens, is really cumbersome in Germany. Here in Deutschland, you need a registered company to export anything with a value of over €1000. So German. KAOS to the rescue.) We also need to build crates in the next few weeks to carry all our personal crap which we will stick into the container. We need to pack those crates in the next few weeks. (The same weeks during which we are trying to finish and load the sculpture.) And the wood used to build travel crates needs to be special (expensive) wood, fumigated and stamped for transoceanic travel. And we need to de-register as residents of the city of Berlin. And we need to cancel the four different kinds of insurance Germany compels you to buy upon arrival. And organize two separate meetings with the real-estate management company from whom we rent. And fight for our deposit (Apparently German real-estate management companies are notorious for trying to keep it, and ours is proving difficult in many other ways, so…) And sell our car. And sell our motorcycle. And sell our furniture. And keep bringing Kodiak to school every day. And organize a goodbye party.

If I actually really think about it, it’s too much.

Don’t think. Just keep doing.

As readers of this blog know, I like to keep my posts pretty light, and focused on culture, art, etc. I don’t veer off much into politics or other similarly weighty topics. But I must admit, I am quite anxious about returning to the US. Two years of living in Europe have given me a certain perspective on things. I would say that, generally speaking, the experience has served to reinforce much of what I already thought about the US, but with the addition of actually having lived an alternative.

I have no interest in starting a political argument around this blog, because everybody has their own political view and political arguments never actually accomplish anything other than sowing acrimony among the participants, but…. My opinion is that corporate capitalism and income inequality are destroying the US. Meanwhile the US has the most sophisticated media and PR machine in the world, centered around Hollywood, which is constantly sending out the message that it’s a paradise and a land of promise. But those newsmakers and message-makers are in the 1%, so of course it’s a paradise, for them. Meanwhile the middle class shrinks, the underclass grows, and people actually suffer. Schools are underfunded, some communities lack basics like clean water, and all this in a country that people still call “first-world.” The issue is not a lack of resources, or overpopulation (although it’s tempting to think that…), the issue is that all those resources are concentrated in only a few hands. Imagine how intransigent problems like racism would ameliorate if everyone had enough money to be comfortable, have a home, have their kids in a decent and safe school. (Jesus, don’t even get me started about guns.)

Anyway, for the sake of my readers… the rant is over. Suffice to say that Europe is quite different from most of what is elucidated above.

Christina and I are reading a book about coming home from an extended period abroad. The main thesis is that, while people expect a big change when they leave their home country and are thus prepared for the shock, people expect returning to be easy, and when the hiccups invariably arise it quickly leads to depression and a desire to go back abroad. The problem is the dissonance between the expectation that coming home will be easy and the reality that it’s not easy. Well, maybe it will be easier for me… because I’m not expecting it to be easy. Yes, I’m looking forward to being in Taos, seeing friends, seeing our dogs, sitting in the hot tub and riding my motorcycles. But goddamn am I going to miss the energy and culture of Berlin, a society in which people seem to have enough to get by, where decisions are not made from fear, and where people don’t shoot each other over small things like trespassing. Did you know that there is no such thing as trespassing in Sweden because all the land, even if owned by someone, is free to pass on, pass through? You tell me which approach is more civilized. (*EDIT* Christina's mother Helga tells me that there are actually plenty of fences and no-trespassing signs there... but it is in fact codified in the law, and in any case you're a lot less likely to get shot for doing it)

Anyway, Buddhist thought suggests that I am causing myself unnecessary anxiety by devoting my thoughts to a time other than NOW (by planning, worrying, remembering…) so I should probably shut the fuck up. But anyway, this is a bit of how I am feeling about returning. The book we are reading says that the depression will really begin about 2 weeks after returning, which is right around the time we will head to Burning Man… and I am sure that will help.

OK, shutting up now.

Despite the fact that only 18 build days remain, the build of With Open Arms is going well. Guy and Cedar and I are cranking in the shop, with the occasional help of Christina. Meanwhile Christina actually spends most of her time heading up a team of people from KAOS and another place called MotionLabs, working on the frieze, organizing the water-jet cutting of the Flame-Burst, and various other tasks. (As I mentioned in the last post, Christina is also handling about 95% of the paperwork divorcing us from Germany... no small task!) It’s a remarkably small team making this sculpture happen, but it’s happening.

The shoulders were, from a technical standpoint, absolutely the hardest part of this sculpture so far. They are fabricated from steel and aluminum joined with bolts, incorporate a pocket which allows attachment to the body, and are built on a complicated geometry involving multiple non-orthagonal angles. They required at least 2 cardboard models and about a week of fabrication to complete. Here is one of them...

 And here, a week or so later, is the current state of things.

The body is starting to look like something, and the Flame-Burst is coming together, thanks to Cedar (welding over at left). Guy is seen in a rare moment of relaxing; he is normally kicking ass with a jig-saw, a circular saw, a band-saw, a grinder, or the shear.

Thank you Cedar and Guy; this project wouldn’t get done without you.

We went to Maker Faire Berlin last week, and had an unexpectedly good time. Here is Kodiak watching Dizzy, the rideable mechanical Rhino from Lyle of Doghead.

Other than Dizzy, we haven’t seen much art or culture lately, so not much new to report… but that is about to change. Germany has a lot of holidays, especially in May, and we are taking the opportunity of BBK being closed today (Thursday) and tomorrow (Friday) to go to Prague for a long weekend with Kodiak and Cedar. Nothing to do but soak up culture. Actually I am writing this post while on the train, cruising through the beautiful countryside of the Czech Republic. (Ironically, I was told a few weeks ago by the secretary at BBK that they were closed today, so we made the arrangements for this trip, but I learned yesterday that she was wrong and they are not actually closed. But what the hell, I could use a culture and relaxation break.)

And OK, lastly... on a lighter note... my favorite building in Berlin is the Fernsehturm, and Berlin's mascot is the Bear... and from the time of moving here I always wanted to make a graphic (for a t-shirt or a sticker) that involved the bear climbing the tower, as in King Kong. But then I saw that someone else already did it...

Yes, I know this is just a photo of someone else's store logo. But I love it. So there.

OK, we are almost in Prague.

Bye

Time, time, time, look what's become of me!

I know there are a few people out there who enjoy reading my blog, and more importantly I really enjoy writing it, so I really feel the time lapsing when I go awhile without writing. I've been feeling that lately. I'm not sure how long it's been but it feels like a while. It literally comes down to time.

The last month or so has seen a marked increase in the frenetic pace of our life here. Production on WOA has radically ramped up while at the same time we have begun to wrap our heads around the tasks associated with moving back to the States, and even tentatively begin to tackle some of those tasks.

Yes, we are moving back. In August. Kodiak beat the odds and got re-admitted (by lottery) into his old school in Taos, and that sealed the deal. So now we are starting the cumbersome process of disengaging from Germany.

These developments, the Burning Man project and the impending move, keep me busy, body and mind. My body is either working at BBK, getting around Berlin in one way or another, dropping Kodiak off at school, or spending (increasingly scarce) time with my family. Christina has an equally, if not even more, punishing schedule, doing all of the above and more. She is helping with my project as well as handling most of the moving logistics and also teaching welding on Saturdays.

It recently occurred to me that she and I (and Kodiak because we drag him around with us!) do things on an ambitious scale that some others only dream of. But it's not easy and in fact it's a hell of a lot of work, sometimes.

Anyway, like I said I am so busy doing all that above-mentioned stuff that it's hard to find time to sit down and write. In fact I decided to take the metro to BBK today specifically so I could write this blog post. Look... here I am, writing it!

But my mind is also so consumed with the project and the move that it's a big enough challenge for me to stay present with my family, let alone to find the mental free space required for the development of the sort of idle philosophical thoughts/observations with which I like to fill this blog.

That being said, there have been a few kernels percolating, perhaps a bit more slowly than usual. They tie together a few other threads found elsewhere herein... emotions and feelings, Alexander McQueen, (and motorcycles?)

--------- The Idle Philosophical Part ---------

It occasionally occurs to me that a very large percentage of what we humans do, especially when it comes to our non-essential (non-survival) activities, is selected specifically in order to feel something. (Or sometimes to stop feeling something.)

Motorcycling, bungie jumping, snowboarding... certainly these kinds of activities are usually undertaken for the feelings of freedom they promise.

Hugging and kissing and even sex bring feelings of closeness.

Artistic endeavors can be career-driven, but for most people (who aren't professional artists), and even sometimes for artists, this sort of activity is often done for the feelings it produces.

Meditation, exercise, drugs, hiking, lying in the sun... all these things are done to a greater or lesser degree for the feelings they produce.

I think that when people have free time, they chase after feelings.

As much as I admire Spock and Saga Noren for their lack of emotion, we humans are emotional creatures.

Maybe this is because the things we MUST do, such as work, either numb us into a state of feelingslessness, or actually produce negative feelings like stress and dread. So perhaps we need those feelings of freedom and closeness and self-actualization that leisure activities bring.

And yes, there is a tie-in to Alexander McQueen. McQueen specifically stated that he designed clothes in order to produce feelings in the wearer, as well as the observer. He intended that women wearing his clothes would feel powerful, sexy, and confident... while those observing "his" women would feel attracted to them, but also intimidated. Take a moment to let that sink in. It's awesome... to be working on that level... manipulating the emotions and ensuing interactions of people based on their clothing. It's almost a form of puppeteering.

I went to an all-boys grade school that had a school uniform. I remember that I was very excited to finally be going to high school, where I could wear whatever I wanted.

I was a soccer player in those days, and the schedule of my high school was such that soccer practice started before the academic school year. So, before I attended a single class on campus, I spent a week or two going to soccer practice. I remember there was one older fellow who commanded a lot of attention because he was charismatic and tall and blonde and handsome. I remember wondering how this guy would carry himself, would present himself, in the context of the school campus. I was sure he would show up with some awesome, individual sense of style and be an incomparable ladykiller. I was truly and genuinely shocked when school started and he showed up dressed in the same sports shoes, sports shorts and sports shirts that he wore to soccer practice. What a wasted opportunity! He was in fact something of a ladykiller, but the ladies he attracted were totally uninteresting to me. I think that was the day when I first understood the concept of a "jock," as well as the blonde, conservative girls who liked jocks.

He was probably equally shocked by me. I used to "dress up" to go to school. I was experimenting with newfound freedom. I used to dress up like rockstars such as Mike Score, Ian McCulloch or Andrew Eldritch, complete with ridiculous hairdos and hats (Andrew Eldritch is at least partly to blame for my hat problem).  I wore a lot of leather. I made my own clothes. I wanted people to be attracted to me, yet intimidated. It's a powerful feeling. Using clothes to precipitate feelings, or states of mind, is a process that I think most people (most men, certainly) don't really participate in. In an informal class poll, upon our departure at the end of senior year, I won four awards (simple math reveals that most in my class didn't win any of these mock accolades). Among the four awards were: Best Dressed, Most Likely to Have a Harem, and Most Likely to Start a Cult. I think that playing dress-up worked pretty well for me back then.

Alexander McQueen is holding my interest longer than most of my Art-Crushes, and I'm constantly asking myself why. I think this, elucidated above, is part of it.

(Fashion also works as a social filter. You know all those people with ripped black clothes and face jewelry? They are "wearing" a filter, essentially guaranteeing that only people who look like them will approach. They are the extreme example, but the same holds true all the way through every mode of dress. People who wear intimidating clothes ensure that only confident people will approach, and so on. It's a social code, and I believe it's an important part (along with eye contact, posture, etc.) of the way we size up potential romantic partners, friends, colleagues, etc. Maybe a topic to expand on another day.)

My project is going well... but again, only because I live it and breathe it, and am getting good help from Christina and Guy. Our old friend Cedar has just arrived in Berlin, staying for a month and helping to fabricate the upper part, the "Flame Burst." I don't have many friends, but I have some good ones! A few days ago we went down to the Landwehr Kanal Ufer and had a few beers at sunset.

 Very Berlin.

Kodiak and I saw some art.

Access to global, contemporary culture is something I think I will miss when we return to Taos. Thank Jeeze for the internet.

The faces for the sculpture are in the process of being cast in aluminum. They are currently in the wax stage.

Next up, the waxes will be encased in ceramic, then the whole thing is put in an oven which cures the ceramic and melts out the wax, and then finally molten aluminum is poured into the void where the wax once lived.

The torso of the figure is basically done. It was an extremely interesting bit of fabrication, insofar as it is one structure which is actually 2 structures (a steel framework and an aluminum surface) which had to be fabricated simultaneously and yet which cannot be welded together. Lots of test-fitting and careful cutting.

The cones scattered here and there are parts of the legs.

Well, I have written 100% of this post while on Berlin's public transportation.

Now I will use my phone's hotspot to publish it. 

Jeeze, what will they think of next?