Something that felt big and important happened on this trip to Taos, but I don’t quite know what it was, or how to write about it. It’s confusing. I’m confused. Maybe by the end of this blog post, I will have a better understanding of what happened, and… maybe by the end of it, you will too.
I guess the easiest way to state it is that we all – Christina, Kodiak, and I – had a really wonderful time in Taos, and we realized that we miss it there. More specifically… we miss our people. Our community.
Do you remember, at the end of my last post, when I said that I wasn’t looking forward to going back to Taos, but that I would probably enjoy it more than I expected? Well, yeah… like that. It happened like that. I had a lot of physical work to do in Taos, and I did it all (which means that I was working hard most of the time), but fear of that work wasn’t the reason I didn’t want to return. I think the part of my reluctance to return to Taos that I was conscious of was that I didn’t want to interrupt the flow of progress we were making in Sweden… and I think that fear was semi-legitimate, but perhaps overblown. In fact I think this little break in Taos may well turn out to be good for my flow in Sweden… but more on that later. And I think the part of my reluctance to return to Taos that I was UNconscious of was basically a fear of liking it too much, being too comfortable there, having Taos shine an unfavorable light on our life in Sweden. It was a risk. We went. We ran the risk. In 5 hours I will be back in Sweden and the readjustment will begin. I won’t make any judgments for a week or so, because jetlag is a bitch. It fucks with your sleep, which is almost exactly the same as saying that it fucks with your moods, your emotions. So no judgments for a week.
But yeah, it was nice. I mean, not all of it. I’d rather live in the lush green Swedish embrace of our wild grass and fruit trees than the dusty dry death of the Mesa any day. And the painting and sculpture studio I build in Sweden beats the hell out of any studio I’ve ever had in Taos, and I can’t wait to work in it. But the community… wow. What a difference. I mean, don’t get me wrong… the people we know in Sweden are lovely, amazing people and I am genuinely looking forward to seeing them all (YOU all!). But really, there is something very special about being in your old home town for 3 weeks and having genuine and engaged conversations with over 100 people (there's a list below)… people you run into at parties and grocery stores and restaurants and parks… people you have missed and are happy to see… people who are happy to see you. It’s lovely. Does this mean that I want to focus even more on community-building in Sweden, deepening and broadening the friendships we have there? Yes! Or does it mean that the focus in Sweden can be on buckling down and working while Taos can be for topping up the social battery? That could work too! I’m telling you, man, it’s very confusing!
Of course, it’s not fair to compare a place we’ve been in for just under 2 years with a place we lived for a combined total, between Christina and me, of 40 years. But despite it being unfair, of course I was comparing the two places all the time; which place has better weather, which has better work opportunities, which of our two chunks of earth is better, which workshop is better, etc., etc. But in a conversation on the topic, my friend Benito wisely said “You don’t need to compare; you’ll always be in one paradise or another.” Yes. That’s the right way to think about it.
Back in Sweden, our metal shop is finished, as is my art studio… so now the hard work begins. What will we do there? What will we make? How will we make money? These questions have so far defied easy answers, but that’s at least in part because we’ve been so focused on building and renovating that we haven’t put much effort into answering them. The answers will come. We will apply for opportunities and the opportunities will come. I believe that. But something about this trip to Taos has focused me, sharpened me. Personally, my fantasy is to make a commitment to myself to spend at least a few hours of EVERY day in my studio, painting or sculpting, for the next 6 or 8 or 12 months so that I can not only get some work done, but even more importantly develop my own style. Go into a cocoon and develop. No outside influence. No opinions. Just me. Find the truth. The truth for me. And then paint it, and sculpt it, over and over and over again. And sell hundreds of fucking paintings! Fuck it. No time to lose. People die every day, and it might even happen to me one day. Maybe.
As I write this, in one long flow on this plane, I’m tired and a little overwhelmed and emotional about it all. But I’ve decided to just post this, as I’ve written it, without waiting a few days to come to my senses and edit it. An honest snapshot in time.
Did I figure out what happened in Taos? Did I make it clear? I hope you understand, because I’m not sure I do. Maybe in a week.
You might remember that Kodiak and I started off in New Hampshire, with my brother Trevor and his family... which was super fun
I made this list of people I saw in Taos, mostly because I wanted to count the names. If you don't live in Taos, I can't imagine that you would care... and you can skip it.
1. Cedar
2. Johnny Cisneros
3. Big Giles
4. Krizia
5. Little Giles
6. Elijah
7. Todd
8. Marlena
9. Phil
10. Elizabeth
11. Peter
12. Gregory
13. Toby Rickabaugh
14. Nonnah
15. Roberta
16. Sasha and Vida
17. Ruby
18. Shandra
19. Eric
20. Niko
21. Satya
22. Eric
23. Elizabeth
24. Sonya
25. Dave
26. Josh Kanizzle
27. Lydia
28. Jason
29. Pamela
30. Zoe Zimmerman
31. Barry Norris
32. Joan Norris
33. Kelly Igo
34. Scott Shaward
35. Ron Detullio
36. Keevan
37. Sofia, Jen Hart's daughter
38. Matt
39. Richard
40. Chris Painter
41. Copy Queen Nicole
42. Nicole Barady
43. Alessandra
44. Key (Kye)
45. Gerd
46. Jimmy
47. Renee & Daisy & Ready
48. Scott Adair
49. Val from New Zealand
50. Sherry Mcgraw
51. Tom Azari
52. Holly Azari
53. Lynn Garlick
54. Maury
55. Sheila O'Malley
56. Benito
57. Joshlynn
58. Jennifer Amman
59. Kate
60. Sam
61. Eileen
62. Elaine Baker
63. Maria Zamora
64. Kevin
65. Nancy
66. Charlie
67. Olive
68. Cozy
69. Genevieve
70. Oswald
71. Tracy (Zeke's)
72. Carl (Zeke's)
73. Michael Lujan
74. Amy Westphal
75. Thomas
76. Siri
77. Jack
78. Dimitri
79. Shawn Ludwig
80. Scott (Randalls)
81. Claudia
82. Cullen
83. Anita (John Dunne shops)
84. Kristin Swim
85. Eric Anderson
86. Adam Robison
87. CJ
88. Jemma
89. Namani
90. Mariah
91. Lola
92. Juniper
93. Izumi
94. Shintaro
95. Angela Oliver
96. Travis
97. Jason (Jen Hart's Ex)
98. Tara from UPS
99. Suki and Orion
100. Forest
101. Aaron Shiver
102. Cousin Amanda
103. Ashley (Magical Tattoo)
104. Casey from 2 Peaks
105. Steve McFarland
106. Bonnie
107. Beau
